Snowcalipse Post Four


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Okay enough with the video games already, let’s get back to the meat and potatoes of this site shall we? And by the by; this is the last of the so called-Snowcalipse post (Yeah I can hear the collective sigh of relief) Anyway…Back in 1996 there was a little syndicated TV show call America’s Dumbest Criminals. Some of the stories on that show were hilarious because as we all know criminals say and do a lot of dumb shit and dumb shit’s funny. Anyway while staying put during Snowcalipse, I took the liberty of transcribing five of those stories here for your reading pleasure, enjoy.


A guy gets arrested and booked for a string of vending machine robberies; bail was set at $400.00. He made his phone call and waited for his girlfriend to arrive with the money. Eventually she did, bringing bail money for her paramour. All fifteen hundred quarters.


4:00 a. m. Las Vegas

A patrolman sees a white van swerving all over the road, he pulls the van over. As the officer approaches the van he sees the driver sliding to the passenger seat. The officer ask for his license and registration.

“It wasn’t me officer,” says the drunken driver, “I wasn’t driving… it was him,” he says while pointing at a giant Teddy bear who’s been sitting quietly in the backseat.


Mr. Larry Johnston of New York was issued 2,800 parking tickets between the years of 1985 and 1988. He used 19 different addresses and 36 license plates in order to evade paying the $150,000.00 in fines.


Joey was a well-known fellow in the neighborhood, he was harmless if a bit delusional, but also known for not being ‘all there.’

Cops get a call about a suspicious individual walking around sporting a brown paper bag over his head, when an officer gets there, right away he knows who it is under the paper bag and says.

“Joey what are you doing with a paper bag over your head?”

Joey was also known to be a very unattractive guy. Joey says.

“Just trying to get a date.”

Okay that previous anecdote was more sad than criminal, however, please—ugly or not—do yourself a favor and don’t walk around with a brown paper bag over your head.


An officer tells on the stand, on how two dumb criminals had their number come up by saying that while patrolling the streets one night, he came across a cash dispensing machine with its chain still attached to one end; while the other end was attached to a car bumper.

Cash machine and bumper; just lying there in the middle of the road.

Well it turns out that the bumper still had the perpetrators license plate on it.


Sadly the TV show is no longer around, but you can still find a bunch more of these morsels at the America’s Dumbest Criminals website.

Hilarious shit I tell ya. Later Sport .

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