Pimping Books—Part Due.

pimp-hatCaptain’s log; star date Sunday, August 07, 2016. I’ve entered the labyrinthine world of buying ads by clicking on Twitter ads, used a ‘Twitter web card’ I was prompted to make, and bought an ad for $2.00 a day, with the objective to run it for one week, on a budget of $10 a week. I’m still not sure if it went through, I thought Twitter was going to be easier that Google, maybe it is, regardless I’m still scratching my head over that one.

Captain’s log supplemental; star date Monday, August 08, 2016. Re-entered the labyrinthine world of buying ads by opening a Google AdWords account, which turned out to be easy. If you have a Google account already, you can use that one, which is what I did. Writing the ad, on the other hand, was limiting because they have an established amount of words you can type to write the ad, concise is the name of the game here. Once again, I started with $2.00 a day, which—if I understand this correctly—Google will charge only if a person clicks on the ad, I wanted to add a budget limit to this, but I couldn’t find how. We’ll see how it goes.

Captain’s log; star date Wednesday, August 10, 2016. After much digging, prodding and clicking on stuff, I finally managed to find the ads panel on Facebook. This social platform has been a navigational pain in the neck for me over the years, and they keep changing it, I’m guessing is because I have a ‘fan page’ and not a ‘personal page’? Anyway, got my credit card ready to put some of my hard-earned greenbacks into Mr. Zuckerberg’s pocket (Not like he needs any more) and skipped through a lot of instructional stuff (You’ll need a whole day to read it all) clicked-off the ABP, and I hit the create ad button. Then, that annoying circling loading signal from hell came on, waited, waited some more.  Logged out, logged in again, and the wheelie from hell keeps spinning and spinning on the ads manager page. I had to get ready for work, will probably try again some other time (that’s a big old maybe)—ugh.

Update: As of this posting, Google Ad Words has accepted my add, is up and running, so far I’ve had 17 clicks with a cost of $0.27 cents a click, which brings my total cost for today to $4.53 with zero sales. Although, this is a very interesting and exciting way for gathering interest for my book(s) this has proven to be a lot of work, work that requires time and patience, plus moolah. Truth be told; I’d rather be writing my next book.

Gotta keep, keeping on though.


Pimping Books.

pimp-hatA book pimp is essentially what a writer has to become in this day and age. Reductive? Heck, downright insulting, but it’s true. I love the freedom that self-publishing provides, I do this mainly because I love to write an entertaining good story, I don’t do it for fame, nor do I want fame, I don’t do it for money or poontang—God knows I get none of the above by doing this, but I’ve come to the realization that I’m essentially running a business, a business that’s bleeding money because I suck at pimping books.

Granted, I haven’t been in the game for long, but I’m starting to see why many a self-published writer drops the towel and quits the game. Writing the book is half the battle, promoting the thing, now there’s a skill no one tells you about—I don’t have it, because I never been a salesman, let alone a ‘self-promoter.’ I feel icky pushing what I write onto people’s faces, it can get frustrating, depressing and some would say ‘undignified.’

Blowjobs for reviews is no way to go through life (unless that’s your thing, in which case; carry on).

Why all the bellyaching you ask when all I have to do is pursue a deal with a ‘reputable’  gate keeper, eh…I mean; publisher? Lots of reasons, mainly I don’t think they’ll like what I write, I’m not a ‘literary’ guy, I write what entertains me and hopefully, is what will entertain the few folks who are kind enough to read my stuff. Publishers have the annoying tendency to tell writers what they should or should not write. They take more than they give; they hardly do any promotion, which is what a writer needs the most. The list goes on…and on.

I wish I had the promotional budget of the Coca-Cola Company to promote my books, because I run on a tight budget, I’m not rich (even though I spend most of my time at my job, hmm) So by the time I’m finished paying the editor/s, book formatter, securing a copyright, and buying images for the book cover. I’m left with zero budget for promotion, which sends the book into oblivion. I repeat: I never been a salesman, nor do I have the desire to become one, but it looks like I have to become that which I hate the most; a shameless fucking salesman. (No offence to those of you who are. A tip of the hat to you, that shit ain’t easy).

Hand jobs for a five star review on Amazon… sir? Madam? Gimp? Anybody…?

Truthfully, I’d rather be writing my next book. That being said, and after deciding to forgo a visit to the dentist (yet again)fingers cross, this upcoming Monday I’ll dip my toes into the murky waters of buying ads. So far I’ve learned that Twitter seems to be the easiest, Facebook on the other hand seems daunting, I hardly understand that platform as it is, hence the reason why I’m hardly on there—aside from the occasional post. I don’t even know how to join Facebook groups, or ‘like’ other people’s postings on it. Google AdWords seems to be the toughest, but hey, we’ll see how it goes.

How is this for my very first sales pitch? ‘Drop your knickers we got a book to sell!’ I hate myself already, stay tune for partie deux.

Great, now I want a Coke, and so do you. See what I mean?

Nose To The Grindstone


Image Credit: OpenClipart-vectors/pixabay.com

BAM! Just like that 41,017 words so far. Desperados is the name of my new project, it started out as a short story ooh, about two or three years ago. I always felt that I had a lot more to say about the fictional character in the form of Honduran migrant Julio Roman—they’ll be outlaws a-plenty.

The story begins with a tattered Julio inside of a stash house in Arizona, where he ended up after being handed- over to a couple of sadistic lunatics who work for a cartel. Along his ride into the U. S. he meets a plethora of sociopaths and all sorts of other colorful characters, all reaching for a piece of the American (dream) pie. It’s going to be a thrill ride to read because it’s been a thrill ride to write. The research has been interesting, and enlightening. Needless to say I’ve learn a lot and hopefully so will the reader.

I don’t write every day—I really, really wish I did (what writer doesn’t right?), but life has a way of getting in the way, of yanking me out of my half-life as a writer.  I must admit though that starting this blog has helped a bunch, because it’s forcing me write more. Speaking of which (get ready to be happy) I’m going to start a new segment slash page call True Crime, in which I’ll dribble my condense take on a particular real life criminal, crime or criminals. I’ll try to anchor the segments on characters, I’ll try to keep things light by peppering the pieces with my world famous witty repartee (can’t guaranteed success on that one simply because we’ll be talking about some real shit and I don’t wish to come across as trivializing matters.) I’m compiling some stories at the moment so— keep an eye out for it.

Desperados will be my first novel. The idea came to me while reminiscing about what happened to me- oh, I’ll say a good twenty- odd years ago, when I got bamboozled by a cousin of mine into working crop fields in the state of Georgia (long-ass, boring story, only good thing about it was the lovely Georgia peach I met down there. Hey Nicole! Holla for a dolla) I ended up a bracero picking onions, cucumbers and tobacco leaves. I remember those leaves being toxic as fuck, those things were a nightmare, plus you had to ‘be on the lookout for rattlesnakes.’ While a field the size of a football stadium waited to be picked, at temperatures reaching 95 degrees (this at 9 in the morning). Fun times.

Anyway imagine that, my first novel. I’m nervous as fuck about it. But I’m also thrilled at the prospect. I still have a long way to go, 41,071 words are only the first draft and I’m hoping to hit the 50,000+ words mark, or somewhere around that neighborhood (making it a short novel) I’ll post updates on here whenever possible, but as far as I’m concern it’s in the bag baby. It’s been a tough process but I’m loving it. I just hope folks dig it. As a writer is the only thing you can hope for.

Okay that’s it. Pen to paper, nose to the grindstone. Smell ya later!

The Name Situation

untitledYears ago, before I got stung by the self-publishing bug, I was watching the re-run of a TV program called: Cold Case Files which was hosted by Mr. Bill Kurtis. Now, true crime scares the beans out of moi, because no matter how demented a scenario I come up with in a fictional story, it will never match what people do to each other in real life— ask any crime fiction writer—or read the news for that matter. Anyway, I’m watching this program and in the course of it, they proceed to interview a real life CSI man. If memory serves right I believe he is originally from the state of Louisiana, but at the time of the interview, they said that he was a 30 year veteran of the Arlington Police Department in Arlington Texas.

This man’s name is: Tommy LeNoir, yep you read that right. Once I manage to pick my jaw off the floor. I found myself saying to the TV are you effing kidding me? No way, this is too good to be true! No dear reader, I’m not trivializing what the man does for a living au contraire mon’ami, I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing: A man with a cool name like that, in a profession such as his? Too good to be true indeed, I really liked his last name, and I figured I will keep it in mind, maybe use it for one of my many kick—ass characters. Someday.

Time—as it always does—flew by and I began to consider self- publishing some of my short stories, but there was a bit of a snag. My stories tend to lean on the violent side, and I didn’t want to scare the folks at my workplace. (My family could care less about my writing so that wasn’t a problem, although when I told my mother the abridged version of one of my stories, she gasped saying  that I shouldn’t be writing stuff that could potentially give people violent ideas) mother’s right? So sweet, you gotta love ‘em.

So here I was with a basket full of ten little nuggets ready to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world. I was thinking maybe I should get myself a cool, hip and happening writer’s name. Guess who waltzes in to save the day? That old Cold Case Files TV show, and with it, the name of that hard working man of the Arlington Police Dept.

Because this can’t be a posting by me without shameless self-promotion that first book is call:Black Pills & Red Bullets, it’s a wild ride. Go read it, eBook is Only $0.99 Cents!

So, there you have it folks, that’s how the Nom de Plume:  Verge Le Noir came to be. If you ask me I think it fits like a glove. I know, I know it’s a bit ‘on the nose’ but come on! Believe you me, is way cooler than my real name, (Which was given to me by my beloved grandmother RIP). Here’s the small breakdown:

The name Verge is a word play on my real first name and the last name… Well now you know the rest of the story. I’m writing this post because I’ve been asked several times if in fact Verge Le Noir is my real name, or if I’m French—Sorry I’m not French. Maybe someday (and that’s big ‘old maybe) I will grow some stones and use my real name. Don’t hold your breath though, because I have become very attached to my très cool writer’s name, plus I really like the anonymity.

P.S. My roommate thinks it sounds like a stripper’s name, I guess it’s got that going for it then, huh… Au Revoir!

Long Story Short


FeedMeTime to dust up the old Bloggity that no one reads and, no folks I didn’t died in ditch somewhere, so don’t  nobody get their panties in a bunch or nothing on account of my absence.

You still here? Good, because the topic for today kiddies is Short Stories. Wait, come back, See, just like you it took a while for me to enjoy the short story format as most short stories out here go nowhere. Most are boring, they end abruptly making no sense to the reader and that’s okay if the writer intended it that way but for fuck’s sake why make them boring? Which is the reason why most people—myself included—tend to stay away from most of them.

Don’t get me wrong, some are wonderful, but let’s face it, most come across as an author’s pretentious mental diarrhea. Just a writer flexing his or hers ‘big-word’ muscle. It’s fucking disgusting so stop it, you imbeciles are ruining a wonderful form of storytelling.

Phew! Good to get that out of my system.

Now the reason why I love short stories is because of their brevity and in this day and age, well I don’t have to tell you that everyone is busy, busy, busy and if you’re one of them folks who has the time and patience to sit through a tome such as; oh I don’t know, let’s just say: War and Peace? Then good for you. (I personally can’t do it, it’ll bore me to death, or maybe I have  ADHD—no I don’t, or maybe I just like reading for entertainment—yeah, that’s it.) Any who, as I was saying, in the short story  I like to be taken into the writer’s world for a brief period of time , chew and savor the little nugget and go about my business, and then do it again with another short and again, etc., etc.

Master wordsmith (and all around creepy looking guy who I won’t mind meeting.) Stephen King once said—and I’m paraphrasing here folks. He said something to the effect that if you’re a writer you should write short stories because they sharpen your focus, they keep you from meandering around when the time comes to write longer fare such as a novel, and they’re a lot of fun to write!

Hence the reason why (even though nobody buys–or reads the stuff). Your humble writer here wrote another collection of short stories titled SHELL CASINGS  you can purchase an eBook for your KINDLE  NOOK  ITUNES  & KOBO  for the laughable price of $1.99 or if you prefer a Paperback you can purchase it HERE. The book was a lot of fun to write and I hope is a fun read. (Whether I succeeded or not that’s up to you the reader to decide).

BTW my first collection of ten short stories Kindle e-book is available HERE. If you prefer a Paperback edition just click HERE.

Long story short… That’s pretty much what I have to say about the subject, I’m a fan, therefore: May the short story format live on, may its powerful prose, imagery, whimsy and brevity put food and drink on a hungry writer’s table and may the masses enjoy them forever and ever– amen. Now, what are you waiting for? Go buy my shit.

Happy Summer Time!