Long Story Short

 

FeedMeTime to dust up the old Bloggity that no one reads and, no folks I didn’t died in ditch somewhere, so don’t  nobody get their panties in a bunch or nothing on account of my absence.

You still here? Good, because the topic for today kiddies is Short Stories. Wait, come back, See, just like you it took a while for me to enjoy the short story format as most short stories out here go nowhere. Most are boring, they end abruptly making no sense to the reader and that’s okay if the writer intended it that way but for fuck’s sake why make them boring? Which is the reason why most people—myself included—tend to stay away from most of them.

Don’t get me wrong, some are wonderful, but let’s face it, most come across as an author’s pretentious mental diarrhea. Just a writer flexing his or hers ‘big-word’ muscle. It’s fucking disgusting so stop it, you imbeciles are ruining a wonderful form of storytelling.

Phew! Good to get that out of my system.

Now the reason why I love short stories is because of their brevity and in this day and age, well I don’t have to tell you that everyone is busy, busy, busy and if you’re one of them folks who has the time and patience to sit through a tome such as; oh I don’t know, let’s just say: War and Peace? Then good for you. (I personally can’t do it, it’ll bore me to death, or maybe I have  ADHD—no I don’t, or maybe I just like reading for entertainment—yeah, that’s it.) Any who, as I was saying, in the short story  I like to be taken into the writer’s world for a brief period of time , chew and savor the little nugget and go about my business, and then do it again with another short and again, etc., etc.

Master wordsmith (and all around creepy looking guy who I won’t mind meeting.) Stephen King once said—and I’m paraphrasing here folks. He said something to the effect that if you’re a writer you should write short stories because they sharpen your focus, they keep you from meandering around when the time comes to write longer fare such as a novel, and they’re a lot of fun to write!

Hence the reason why (even though nobody buys–or reads the stuff). Your humble writer here wrote another collection of short stories titled SHELL CASINGS  you can purchase an eBook for your KINDLE  NOOK  ITUNES  & KOBO  for the laughable price of $1.99 or if you prefer a Paperback you can purchase it HERE. The book was a lot of fun to write and I hope is a fun read. (Whether I succeeded or not that’s up to you the reader to decide).

BTW my first collection of ten short stories Kindle e-book is available HERE. If you prefer a Paperback edition just click HERE.

Long story short… That’s pretty much what I have to say about the subject, I’m a fan, therefore: May the short story format live on, may its powerful prose, imagery, whimsy and brevity put food and drink on a hungry writer’s table and may the masses enjoy them forever and ever– amen. Now, what are you waiting for? Go buy my shit.

Happy Summer Time!

The World’s Gone Write

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Image Credit: geralt/pixabay.com

‘Great! Another douche with a blog’  Is the look people give you when you mention that indeed you do in fact have a blog. It’s– almost– as bad as when you say that you’re a writer (but that’s gonna be a topic for another time.) Then comes the ‘enthusiastic’ what do you blog about? ‘Midget gay porn.’ I want to say in order to add some Sriracha to an already dull and awkward exchange.

Truth be told I never wanted to do the blog-thing; I have a full time job. I can barely find the time to write as it is, now I know a lot of writers will frown at that sentence, look here fools. Ever try living in New York? Yeah the fucking Landlord owns your sorry ass. Plus I don’t know if I have any great wisdom that I want to pass on. I’m so out of touch with the whole internet thing that I thought blogging was something that a bore housewife would do, or a rich, bore, and famous housewife would do.

Well, guess what? it turns out that if you’re getting yourself into the self-publishing game you NEED to have a blog. Not only because people can get a feel for your ability to string two sentences together, but also: So that you as a writer can start a mailing list.

BTW, you can join mine by clicking on SUBSCRIBE HERE at the top, or by simply CLICKING HERE I promise NO SPAM as I hate the stuff with a fiery passion—except the pink slimy stuff, that’s good salty eatin’—I will only e-mail you with news about my book releases which should be every once in a blue moon.

Back to our regularly schedule programming…where was I? Oh, yeah, blogging. See, as I’m writing this post I’m already drawing a blank, What do I post about? Do I post about grandma’s shiny-new hip replacement? nope, don’t have a grandma. What about the accidental shooting in the face of grandpa’s hunting partner? Now, see that would be a good post except it happened to Dick Cheney ages ago, and he ain’t my grandpa.

Quell Mindfuck (wordplay courtesy of Diablo Cody)

It’s great that everyone and their grand mother is doing the blogging thing, we all need dreams and at least it informs you that people are doing something creative with their lives, as supposed to just laying down and waiting to be forgotten. I say: Dream while you’re alive because they’re ain’t not dreaming when you give up the ghost. Okay, maybe there is but, there’s no one around that can verify this, now is there? So yeah. Dream on.

p.s. Don’t forget to sign-up!

Welcome

 

writer The writing is on the wall, they say. Albeit, with a chiaroscuro- leaning on invisible ink.

They say folks are reading a hell of a lot less these days, newspapers and magazines are folding left and right, bookstores and libraries are closing-again: left and right. The masses want their news and entertainment NOW, not tomorrow.

Hey! this is far from an accusation or a diatribe against this trend for I’m also guilty of such behavior every now and then. I mean: Jesus! Have you seen the caliber, and amount of entertainment that’s available to the average Jane and Joe these days? From social media to million dollar T.V. productions, at home or on the go, you want it? You got it.

Right here right now, buddy.

We’re living in a world of technological wonderment like no other since the invention of slice bread and the two-piece bikini–don’t forget the two piece bikini.

Where the hell am I going with this?

As a besotted lover of the written word, and at a time when it appears that nobody reads, what did your humble little servant here decided to do? I decided to write books– no less.

In the book: Bambi vs. Godzilla, the great David Mamet wrote:

Mr. David Mamet

Mr. David Mamet

“Storytelling is like sex. We all do it naturally.” There’s that, plus-in my case, I needed a creative outlet, I needed a challenge–and boy howdy did I get one.

I needed to do something which provided dignity as I get older and no, I’m not a sadistic fool (okay, maybe a little) who thinks he might not be doing this in a vacuum( er, okay-maybe)

I’m playing the odds here dear reader. Not because I’m dreaming of riches- Fuck no…. that’s the last thing on my mind,I’m well aware that I just entered a mercurial business, to say the least. A business in which–if I’m lucky– I’ll get me some beer money which will surely  be welcome with open arms as I’m always thirsty for a good ale. Point is: I’m doing this because I love to spin a yarn, always have.

Always will.

Now here’s the challenge, the super objective-if you will:

How to pull the masses away from their wonderful new toys and have them bury themselves in a book every now and then? As the masses are jaded, and not easily impress? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that by writing interestingly better books?

I’m not saying you’ll be getting literature on par with the likes of: Hemingway, Harper Lee or Nabokov out of moi.

No literary fiction from me–not smart enough.

I write crime fiction, with a dash of mystery, thrills and jet-black humor. I write about dangerous and psychopathic men and women, in other words: I write what thrills and scares the beans out of me. That being said, I’m sure it’s not everyone’s cup-o-tea and that’s a-okay, the fact that you haven’t bolted and you’re still reading this dribble tells me that we can still be chums.

My point is:

Welcome to my little journey. If anything, I hope I can at least keep you entertain, and If it means that I have to reach into my chest and throw my heart all over the page, so be it I’ll be more than happy to at least try. (thumbs up for the Rollings Stones reference!… Maybe? no? yes? someday?)

Now I have to turn this darn machine off and get some reading, or writing done.

‘Till next time…

Too-doo-loo!