Goodreads Giveaway!

Holy Hell…. Another Giveaway! Beginning April 15 and ending May 15, enter for a chance to win a sign copy of my short novel DESPERADOS. No need for special skills or feats of strength to enter, just clickity click the enter buttom. Goodreads automatically pulls the winners out of a Top Hat, they send me the winning address, and I mail out the books.

Sorry, U. S. Entries Only. Good Luck!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Desperados by Verge Le Noir

Desperados

by Verge Le Noir

Giveaway ends May 15, 2017.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

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Work for Us. Work for Free!

Nobody likes working for free, nobody should. It amazes me how many asshats want writers to work for free in this day and age. When I go to the supermarket I’m expected to pay cold hard cash or with a valid credit card; not with ‘exposure’ same goes for when the landlord comes knocking on my door expecting cold hard cash. I suspect he will not respond kindly if I was to tell him that my being a dweller in his building will bring him great ‘exposure’.

When you’re starting out in this writerly business you’ll do anything to get your work out there, you’ll bend over backwards and forward. I’m here to tell you that you need to reel that shit in real quick, because there’s a bunch of unscrupulous douchebags just waiting for a hungry author like you so they can pounce on and take advantage of—do not fall for this giant bucket of bullshit.

If anyone tells you that when you’re starting out, you need to ‘pay to play’ just tell them that they can eat a giant turd sandwich, with a side- order of fuck you. Writing is a lot of fun but it’s also a lot of work, it takes time and effort, but mainly; it’s a lot of fucking work okay? My time, your time is important and it should be respected. This tirade comes to you courtesy of websites that claim to be hip and ‘in the know’ when it comes to cool writers, cool topics and connections while expecting writers to work for free for ‘exposure.’

To those sites. To those people I say: see this? Its call a middle finger.

My 2 Cents.

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Q & A

Late last month, gentleman scholar, and all-around good guy Colman Keane was kind enough to shoot a few questions my way for his site Col’s Criminal Library. I’ve taken the liberty of copy/pasting  said interview onto this site because, sometimes, I’m lazy like that. If you’d rather read the original, just click HERE.

A hearty thank you to Mr. Colman Keane for the lovely Q & A. Enjoy!

I’ll assume the writing isn’t full time, so what’s the day job?

You assume correctly. I moonlight as a condom tester. Kidding, I work for a company that does horseracing data. Not as exciting as a rubber tester, but it pays the bills.

Call it a hunch, but I’m guessing the uber-cool Verge Le Noir moniker isn’t something your parents came up with – is your real identity a well-guarded secret? Why not publish your books under your real name?

No my parents are not that cool—at all. I’m just a cat who’s scared of his own writing so he hides under a too-cool-for-school nom de guerre in order to appease the God’s of writerly things. My name is not a well-guarded secret, I’m not in the witness protection program or anything as exciting as that, matter of fact, my writer bio has just been updated on Amazon where I use my real name, (and new mug shot) I will however, still use my pen name because is way cooler than my real name which is Virgilio Feldman. Try fitting that on a small book cover.

What’s been the most satisfying moment of your writing career so far?

Honest to the Gods of Beer? Doing this Q & A. And having people read the stuff I write.

What’s your typical writing schedule?

I don’t have one; I slip the writing whenever I can. I’m lucky I get to write at all. I typically try to cram as much writing as possible on my days off. Sorry ladies…

Do you insert family, friends, and colleagues into your characters?

I’ve only done it in my short novel Desperados sparingly—and it’s mostly overly exaggerated anecdotes from an acquaintance here and there, or family members, but for the most part I don’t do it.

Are you a plotter, or do you make it up as you go along?

I like to let the characters take me wherever they want to go, so I make it up as I go along. Most smart writers swear by plotting, I see it as painting yourself into a corner and that doesn’t jive with moi. Maybe I will try it someday.

Are there any subjects off limits?

Nothing’s off limits I hate censorship.

Desperados features the journey of a young immigrant coming to America from the south, any parallels with your own life or are you a home-grown American citizen?

Good question. I was lucky enough to migrate legally to the U. S. from Honduras about thirty years ago. I did mined a few things about my life for Desperados, lets’ see: I’m from the same Islands that the character Lester talks about, I was once duped by a cousin into becoming a bracero in the State of Georgia for about two months in hell, we lived in trailers in the middle of nowhere making shit money, on the weekends we would shop at a Piggy Wiggly. A manager of a restaurant I used to work at did the orange juice bit to a waitress once. The character of Leonide or Leo is based on a good friend of mine who hails from the Ivory Coast by way of France but that’s where the similarities end. These are the few things I can think of from the top of my head; the rest is pure imagination and research.

I believe you’ve self-published all your work to date, is that a conscious move? Have you tried the “traditional” route via an existing publisher?

A conscious move indeed, I don’t know anyone in the publishing business, and I won’t know how to approach anyone on that side of things, besides they only seem to be interested in bestselling authors and celebrities. They want an established brand. So yeah I’m self- published all the way. For every one of my books though, I hire a professional editor, a book formatter and make my own book covers. I just don’t see what a traditional publisher can do for a guy like me. I honestly don’t see it. For prestige? Piss-off. The world doesn’t need another ‘tastemaker’ or ‘bouncer’ at the exclusive writers club. My humble opinion and it can change, but for now I’m happy as a clam in salt water doing things this way.

How difficult is it to attract a readership?

In a scale of one to ten, I would have to say One Hundred. A Hunter Thompson quote comes to mind, he said: “It’s like trying to wrestle a T-bone steak from a hammerhead shark.” Similar to that or thereabout.  Although a lot of it is my fault, I’m a lousy salesman, I don’t know much about promotion, pushing product etcetera, etcetera. I’m still learning, for the most part I just concentrate on writing an entertaining story.

Your works so far are Desperados – a novel, Killing Crows – a long short story, Shell Casings and Black Pills and Red Bullets – two short story collections. Is there one of your books you’re more proud of than any of the others? Which and why?

Tricky question, like: who is your favorite child? The red-headed bastard is my favorite! In this case they’re all my favorite red-headed bastards. In all honesty; the last one I wrote—Desperados—is my favorite because is the closest I’ve come to cannibalizing parts of my life in order to write a good story. It’s a bit personal I suppose. I must say though; Shell Casings seems to be people’s favorite, even my editor liked it a lot.

What’s the current project in progress? How’s it going?

I’m juggling a couple of projects, but the one that seems to be ahead its call Two Iguanas Lounge and it features a couple of the characters from the short story: Lizards Lounge (a short story you can find in the book: Black Pills & Red Bullets) In Two Iguanas Lounge, I’ll introduce a private detective by the name of Troy Declan Molloy and a Lieutenant by the name of Samira Andrade, these two team up in order to take down a serial killer who’s terrorizing a small Arizona town. It’s going a bit slow. We’ll see how it turns up, in the meantime; I’ll be uploading to my website, some short- stories, and my ramblings as usual.

What’s the best thing about writing?

Bedding all the women who find the broke-ass writer irresistible. Kidding, the best thing about writing is coming up with bat-shit crazy scenarios in which your characters can play and then having people read it. It’s magical. Writing is a lot of fun, you can’t beat that.

The worst?

Meeting women who don’t fall for the broke-ass writer. Kidding, (somewhat). The worse is trying to get the story to the right audience. That’s brutal.

What are the last five books you have read?

  1. Lee Child’s Night School
  2. Hollywood by Charles Bukowski
  3. Re-read Elmore Leonard’s Rum Punch—brilliant book.
  4. You by Caroline Kepnes—well plotted, well written.
  5. The Sellout by Paul Beatty—quite possibly one of my favorite books from 2016

Who do you read and enjoy?

Love Elmore Leonard, Christa Faust is phenomenal, Charles Bukowski always kills it, Junot Diaz inspires, Stephen Hunter knows his shit, Dennis Lehane thrills and so does Michael Connelly. I really wish Diablo Cody would write another book, because whenever I need a chuckle I grab my copy of her book Candy Girl, and I swear; whatever pages you land on in that book, you’ll sure to find a giggle or two.

Is there any one book you wish you had written?

Zero Saints by Gabino Iglesias— mind-blowingly good.

Favourite activity when not working or writing?

Falling in love from a plane without a parachute. A. k. a.  Reading, hanging out in dive bars or watching Netflix.

In a couple of years’ time…

Hopefully I’ll have a few more books; therefore I’ll—hopefully—have a few more readers.

 

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Announcement

Image Credit: Charles Dana Gibson

I’m just dropping by to let everyone know that—at least once a week—I’ll be uploading to this site some short fiction, and the occasional short essay. To kick things off with a bang, I’ve uploaded a satirical short for your reading pleasure titled: America Goes to Heaven which you can read right now by clicking HERE or by hovering your mouse by SHORT FICTION located right under the banner of this site.

Whenever I upload a new piece, I’ll announce it on my TWITTER and GOOGLE PLUS accounts.

Thank you for reading my stuff and for the kind support. Happy Reading!

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Mini Book Reviews

Hollywood by Charles Bukowski  5 out of 5

In the novel Hollywood you get pure unadulterated Bukowski, even though his alter ego Chinaski gets to narrate a thinly-veiled first-person account of how he was persuade to do a screenplay by a Hollywood director which, I understand, became the movie Barfly with Mickey Rourke, a movie from the 80’s which I haven’t seen but I’m hoping to see in the future.

Now the novel itself is hilarious in that low-life Bukowski way which all Bukowskiuvites love. It deals with the human condition of a lifelong alcoholic and his artistry. His wife “Sara” makes an appearance here but more of a helper than an actual developed character. His bemusement at the Hollywood machine is something to behold, the ups and downs, the flakes, the money problems of doing art in a medium that doesn’t always understands or rewards the artist makes for an entertaining read.

 

Night School—A Reacher Novel 4 out of 5

By the time I read my fourth Jack Reacher novel; I’ve had a problem with the Jack Reacher character because he is that Übermensch Alpha male who hardly ever gets hurt, who’s smarter than everyone else and is always right, making him almost inhuman. Granted he is a fictional character but still, one would think about the wear and tear.

Night School is the 21st Reacher novel and it takes place in 1996 a time when Reacher was still in his Military Police (MP) days. This time the government takes him to Germany on the trail of a suspected terrorist cell, but things are not so black and white because a CIA asset, undercover inside the cell, becomes aware that there’s an American who has what the terrorist cell wants for “one hundred million dollars” (insert Austin Powers joke here), so Reacher and his new two friends from Night School are tasked with finding this American.

I enjoy reading Jack Reacher novels because author Lee Child is a fantastic writer, although in my estimation he’s out there with Stephen King when it comes to getting to the point. Lee Child’s research is impeccable and the ass-kickery never lets down, but like I said; when your character has the amazing ability of always making accurate leaps of fate and logic then things get annoying. Over all a good entertaining read. Will I read another? Sure, mostly because author Lee Child is a talented writer (21 books!) and he has Hollywood knocking on his door, plus A-list talent wants in on his projects, which in this day and age is what makes for a successful writer, I guess.

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Monthly Bullet Points

It’s been a long-ass time since I’ve posted one of these. Not much to be cheery about these days, it looks like the whole worlds gone loco; things seem to be upside down instead of right side up. Here’s a minuscule attempt at getting back to the groove of things with a few short and interesting points I’ve come across this month. Read On.

  • You may not have heard about one of the world’s most prolific scribes, but if you live in the United States, and you’ve had Chinese food and got a cookie from The Wonton Foods Company, then you have read the work of Mr. Donald Lau whom for 30 years has served as the “Chief Fortune Writer” for the Wonton company and who, sadly has been force to resign due to an undetermined affliction. Mr. Donald Lau claims to have writers block “I used to write 100 a year,” said Mr. Lau, “but I’ve only been able to write two to three a month” Fear not dear reader because Mr. Lau has been training a new writer, his name is James Wong and he is the nephew of  Wonton’s founder. Dear Mr. Lau, may your new journey be a fruitful and happy one. Thank you for the hope, the giggles and the smiles.

 

  • As of this posting 65 writers and artist have sign an open letter to the president asking him to rescind his much hated and criticized executive order  which restricts immigration from seven majority-Muslim countries. The letter, much like a lot of the protesting going on in the country, may not have much effect on things, but these acts show solidarity, unity, and resistance which is indispensable at a time when we need it most. Read the letter HERE  

 

  • Do you believe in UFO’s? If so, then you’re not alone because none other than Winston Churchill was preoccupied about green men and wrote about it in a lost 1939 essay discovered recently in some museum’s archive. Apparently he wrote the essay before the war and titled it “Are We Alone in Space?” Once the war was over though, he returned to it and changed the title to reflect current scientific concerns and changed it to “Are We Alone in the Universe?” This essay sounds interesting but due to copyright issues, the essay cannot be published however, the Churchill Museum is hoping to iron-out this little wrinkle in order for us—mere mortals can feast our eyes on the thoughts about E. T. from one of the greatest men that ever lived.

Thanks you for reading. Smell Ya Later!

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Note to Self

Advise for writerly types.

  1. Don’t be a Jerk
  2. Do be Grateful
  3. Get Some Sun
  4. Cool it with the Booze. Drink Water
  5. Don’t be a Flake
  6. Take a Bath
  7. If you Can. Travel Often
  8. Get Laid as Much as You Can
  9. Don’t be a Self-absorbed Asshole
  10. Observe and Report
  11. Call your Mom
  12. Don’t be a Cunt
  13. Talk to Strangers
  14. Follow Through
  15. Leave Reviews for Fellow Writers, see #1#9 and #12
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